TELEVISION- IT’LL NEVER CATCH ON ! © by Don Read 31.12.04
There it stands in the corner of our living rooms, kitchens and bedrooms. We love it, we hate it. It entertains, educates, charms , and infuriates us. We accuse it of dumbing down and praise it for providing us with great art (occasionally). “Too much football”, “Not enough make over, gardening, auction, cooking, reality programmes.” Really ? I thought TV was just one continuous auction programme in the daytime. But you can’t please all the people even part of the time.
Three Prime Ministers proffered their derogatory opinions about TV. In 1938, shortly after John Logie Baird demonstrated his infernal machine, one time PM Lloyd George proclaimed, in a house of commons debate on communications , “Television ? The British public won’t want it. There will be no demand for it”. During the 1945 general election prime minister to be Clement Attlee was approached by a young TV reporter and asked if he would care to say a few words to the viewer (very few in those experimental days). Attlee gave a resounding “No” and stormed off. Find me a politician today who could resist the chance to air their views on TV. Some years later Winston Churchill called television, “A two penny ha’penny punch and judy show”.
Coincidentally it was on a recent Richard and Judy show (not punch) that demonstrated the informative aspects of television have sometimes been lost on a younger generation. On the “You Say-We Pay” segment in which disembodied voices over the phone have to give R&J clues to photographs of people and things shown on a screen which R&J cannot see up came a photo of Winston Churchill. Unhesitatingly the disembodied voice yelled her clue, ”A great dictator !” She must have got the saviour of our country in the dark days of the second world war confused with Adolf Whatsisname. Perhaps it was just a slip of the tongue or she simply hadn’t noticed references to Winston on TV. or anywhere else throughout her lifetime.
The future is hang –on- the- wall TV. Imagine the one upmanship of being able to press your remote control and call up the world’s greatest paintings and watch the bemused look on the faces of your neighbours as they peer through your window. “He’s got a Rembrandt hanging on his wall. How does he do it on his wage ?”
We await with eager anticipation the arrival of parochial TV. West Bridgford will have its very own TV station with some tantalising programmes. Underwater tennis from the National Watersports Centre. Community Baroque singing in Central Avenue. John Prescott opens Lady Bay airport on the Hook with direct flights to Keyworth. “Knitting In Notts” will be a popular daytime programme with prizes for the best pullovers. First prize might be a night out with a County Councillor. There will be the unveiling of plans by a consortium of John Lewis, Selfridges and Debenhams to open department stores on Albert Rd
Tram chaos in Repton Rd. will focus on demonstrations by angry passengers stranded for three days.
Until all that happens I have compiled a short list of things I hate on TV. If you don’t agree with me you must be under 50. Just call me a grumpy old man:
1. Soaps where everyone supposedly eats junk or extremely fatty food.
2. Soaps with extremely insolent children
3. Soaps with expandable premises where whole families take in lodgers regardless of how many rooms they have.
4. Cop plays were detectives leave their cars unlocked
5. Hero detectives who venture unarmed into derelict buildings to persuade a psychopathic murderer to give himself up.
6. Clichés such as “That’s all we’ve got time for”. Reporters sent to locations (Buckingham Palace, Downing St. etc) to create the impression they are in the know, and are thanked by the studio presenter with an added INDEED.
7. Studio audiences made to applaud a ball dropping on to a shute (Lottery)
8. Studio audiences made to applaud when an amateurish singer delivers three words thus creating the “Isn’t he good” feeling. (“Tonight, Matthew I’m Going To Be…”)
9. Characters who sit down to a meal but never eat anything
10. Grumpy old men
11 Those irritating football manager’s two minute soundbites that simply reaffirm that they have a good team and are looking forward to the match on Saturday.
Television ? Don’t we just love it ?
There it stands in the corner of our living rooms, kitchens and bedrooms. We love it, we hate it. It entertains, educates, charms , and infuriates us. We accuse it of dumbing down and praise it for providing us with great art (occasionally). “Too much football”, “Not enough make over, gardening, auction, cooking, reality programmes.” Really ? I thought TV was just one continuous auction programme in the daytime. But you can’t please all the people even part of the time.
Three Prime Ministers proffered their derogatory opinions about TV. In 1938, shortly after John Logie Baird demonstrated his infernal machine, one time PM Lloyd George proclaimed, in a house of commons debate on communications , “Television ? The British public won’t want it. There will be no demand for it”. During the 1945 general election prime minister to be Clement Attlee was approached by a young TV reporter and asked if he would care to say a few words to the viewer (very few in those experimental days). Attlee gave a resounding “No” and stormed off. Find me a politician today who could resist the chance to air their views on TV. Some years later Winston Churchill called television, “A two penny ha’penny punch and judy show”.
Coincidentally it was on a recent Richard and Judy show (not punch) that demonstrated the informative aspects of television have sometimes been lost on a younger generation. On the “You Say-We Pay” segment in which disembodied voices over the phone have to give R&J clues to photographs of people and things shown on a screen which R&J cannot see up came a photo of Winston Churchill. Unhesitatingly the disembodied voice yelled her clue, ”A great dictator !” She must have got the saviour of our country in the dark days of the second world war confused with Adolf Whatsisname. Perhaps it was just a slip of the tongue or she simply hadn’t noticed references to Winston on TV. or anywhere else throughout her lifetime.
The future is hang –on- the- wall TV. Imagine the one upmanship of being able to press your remote control and call up the world’s greatest paintings and watch the bemused look on the faces of your neighbours as they peer through your window. “He’s got a Rembrandt hanging on his wall. How does he do it on his wage ?”
We await with eager anticipation the arrival of parochial TV. West Bridgford will have its very own TV station with some tantalising programmes. Underwater tennis from the National Watersports Centre. Community Baroque singing in Central Avenue. John Prescott opens Lady Bay airport on the Hook with direct flights to Keyworth. “Knitting In Notts” will be a popular daytime programme with prizes for the best pullovers. First prize might be a night out with a County Councillor. There will be the unveiling of plans by a consortium of John Lewis, Selfridges and Debenhams to open department stores on Albert Rd
Tram chaos in Repton Rd. will focus on demonstrations by angry passengers stranded for three days.
Until all that happens I have compiled a short list of things I hate on TV. If you don’t agree with me you must be under 50. Just call me a grumpy old man:
1. Soaps where everyone supposedly eats junk or extremely fatty food.
2. Soaps with extremely insolent children
3. Soaps with expandable premises where whole families take in lodgers regardless of how many rooms they have.
4. Cop plays were detectives leave their cars unlocked
5. Hero detectives who venture unarmed into derelict buildings to persuade a psychopathic murderer to give himself up.
6. Clichés such as “That’s all we’ve got time for”. Reporters sent to locations (Buckingham Palace, Downing St. etc) to create the impression they are in the know, and are thanked by the studio presenter with an added INDEED.
7. Studio audiences made to applaud a ball dropping on to a shute (Lottery)
8. Studio audiences made to applaud when an amateurish singer delivers three words thus creating the “Isn’t he good” feeling. (“Tonight, Matthew I’m Going To Be…”)
9. Characters who sit down to a meal but never eat anything
10. Grumpy old men
11 Those irritating football manager’s two minute soundbites that simply reaffirm that they have a good team and are looking forward to the match on Saturday.
Television ? Don’t we just love it ?
