FOOD GLOROUS FOOD 21.6.12 © Don Read
With the plethora of cookery programmes on TV, in newspapers and magazines you might think they would do just one on eating the stuff. Let’s face it eating food is fraught with problems. Ever tried dipping a knife into a jam jar hoping to transfer a spot of the stuff on to your plate and then to your toast/croissant ?. Look out. you’ve got the jam/marmalade on your knife handle and it’s determined to reach your fingers.
If you are alone you can lick the fingers/s but in polite society with others around you you simply cannot do that without oblique looks of disdain from your fellow dinners.
In the olden days when we all carried hankies in our pockets you might wipe fingers/knife hand under the table. Nowadays we have “wipes” in a packet but that is a somewhat cumbersome and noisy operation that is unlikely to go unnoticed.
Baked beans make a popular and handy lunch. On toast they are ideal except for one thing. Once you have managed to ladle a load of the soggy substance onto your buttered toast you just know several of the little blitters will decide to explore your plate and deliberately fall off said toast. They have, by nature a low heat tolerance and no sooner have they hit the plate than their temperature drops with the speed of light. Result, by the time you have scooped up the offending beans and brought them to you mouth they are stone cold. Why ? simply because the plate was stone cold. Tomatoes, n the other hand, retain heat and when cooked are quite likely to burn you mouth. Beware.
I know perfectly nice people who serve hot food on cold plates. If challenged they will say they have always done this and nobody has mentioned it before. Of course not, we are British and too polite to make a fuss. We endure the situation and then say how enjoyable the meal was !
It goes like this. There are four of us sitting round the dinner table. The host brings the main dish on four tepid plates. We cannot start to cut our steak/chicken/duck before everyone has been served. The host finally vacates the kitchen and joins us. We start to eat and chat- chat and eat. It take around ten minutes to consume our main course (unless this is a TV soap and a serious argument ensues. No one actually eats anything because this is take 23 and mid morning. They cut a piece of lettuce into small pieces and make like they are chewing. One of their number storms out in rage and the other follow suit. No matter how hungry they are supposed to be they leave the pretend meal).
I have sent back more cold plates in restaurants than you’ve had hot dinners. Why do they do it ?
I shall be sorry I wrote this. They next time I am dining elsewhere (where exactly is elsewhere ?) my host will be wearing fire proof gloves and as my meal is laid before me it will still be cooking on the plate. Serves me right.
With the plethora of cookery programmes on TV, in newspapers and magazines you might think they would do just one on eating the stuff. Let’s face it eating food is fraught with problems. Ever tried dipping a knife into a jam jar hoping to transfer a spot of the stuff on to your plate and then to your toast/croissant ?. Look out. you’ve got the jam/marmalade on your knife handle and it’s determined to reach your fingers.
If you are alone you can lick the fingers/s but in polite society with others around you you simply cannot do that without oblique looks of disdain from your fellow dinners.
In the olden days when we all carried hankies in our pockets you might wipe fingers/knife hand under the table. Nowadays we have “wipes” in a packet but that is a somewhat cumbersome and noisy operation that is unlikely to go unnoticed.
Baked beans make a popular and handy lunch. On toast they are ideal except for one thing. Once you have managed to ladle a load of the soggy substance onto your buttered toast you just know several of the little blitters will decide to explore your plate and deliberately fall off said toast. They have, by nature a low heat tolerance and no sooner have they hit the plate than their temperature drops with the speed of light. Result, by the time you have scooped up the offending beans and brought them to you mouth they are stone cold. Why ? simply because the plate was stone cold. Tomatoes, n the other hand, retain heat and when cooked are quite likely to burn you mouth. Beware.
I know perfectly nice people who serve hot food on cold plates. If challenged they will say they have always done this and nobody has mentioned it before. Of course not, we are British and too polite to make a fuss. We endure the situation and then say how enjoyable the meal was !
It goes like this. There are four of us sitting round the dinner table. The host brings the main dish on four tepid plates. We cannot start to cut our steak/chicken/duck before everyone has been served. The host finally vacates the kitchen and joins us. We start to eat and chat- chat and eat. It take around ten minutes to consume our main course (unless this is a TV soap and a serious argument ensues. No one actually eats anything because this is take 23 and mid morning. They cut a piece of lettuce into small pieces and make like they are chewing. One of their number storms out in rage and the other follow suit. No matter how hungry they are supposed to be they leave the pretend meal).
I have sent back more cold plates in restaurants than you’ve had hot dinners. Why do they do it ?
I shall be sorry I wrote this. They next time I am dining elsewhere (where exactly is elsewhere ?) my host will be wearing fire proof gloves and as my meal is laid before me it will still be cooking on the plate. Serves me right.
