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AUNTIE MACASSER 30.1/13  ©  Don Read 

If Edward Lear could get away with- “The Owl And The Pussy Cat went to sea in a beautiful pea green boat etc “   then why can’t I get away with the following piece of nonsense ?

Antimacasser: A piece of cloth usually with a design. to 
cover the top edge of a sofa to maintain cleanliness.

My auntie Macasser went to Mombasa
And came home with a beautiful Antimacassar
She told her sister Esther. who lived somewhere near Leicester
And kept an exceedingly tall  prized aspidistra 
 Now Esther  was such a skilled business  investor
She told cousin Lester who lived up near Chester 
That here was a business investment that just couldn’t fail
The three of them could open a shop selling tall aspidistras, 
And antimacassars. folk could order by mail

After six months of trading their business was fading 
It seems that the market just did not exist
Auntie Macasser went to live in Tadcaster 
Cousin Esther eloped with a jester who’d tried to molester her
You may think it funny but shrewd cousin Lester  made a shed loads of money 
Whilst decked out in expensive, fash’nable tweeds
He refurbished rusty clapped out velocipedes* 

*Velocipede: forerunner of the bicycle

Octageranium (sic) Don Read

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